Can You Be Bisexual And Christian?
“Have you ever felt lost? Like your whole life was a lie?”
The words caught my eye as I scrolled through my newsfeed. It was a caption under a video from our church Facebook page. A man in black long sleeves narrated his life while standing behind a podium. Tears streamed down my face as I listened to him talk about his transformation story — from the confusion and emptiness he experienced as a gay man to finding God and eventually marrying a godly woman. I cried, not out of hopeful relief, but out of pain.
You see, a year ago, I fell in love with a girl. It was a love that came naturally. She turned out to be everything I prayed to find in a partner. As I watched this testimony of a man who turned away from his homosexual ways, I sobbed at the confusion and agony. “If God doesn’t want me to be with her, then why did He allow for this relationship to grow?” It seemed cruel for Him to bring this wonderful person in my life, only to tell me I should walk away from her.
After a while, I realized the faults in the testimony’s arguments. This man attributed his same-sex relationship to confusion, a blip on his timeline before becoming a righteous, heterosexual man. But what if this man wasn’t truly gay to begin with, thus the confusion? Or what if he’s actually bisexual and happened to find true love from a woman? In church testimonies, people often mention same-sex relationships along with promiscuity, drugs, and alcohol as they recall their lives pre-epiphany — without realizing that sexuality isn’t the issue. Rather, it’s a matter of finding one’s authentic self and including God in the picture.
Regardless, the video ignited a slew of comments from conservatives condemning LGBT+ individuals, calling for them to repent or else face eternal damnation. Ironically, those comments brought nothing but anxiety, fear, and self-hate.
The church that published that video used to be my safe place. A place I looked forward to visiting on Sundays, where I’d feel God’s warm embrace through beautiful worship songs and the smiles of fellow Christians.
Now, I can’t remember the last time I went to church. When I think of church now, I feel betrayal and rejection.
Because of that video that attributed homosexuality to confusion.
Because of that church member who re-posted an anti-gay marriage article that equated homosexuals to animals.
Christians claim that anyone is welcome in their place of worship, but how can you feel welcome in a church that tells you you’re an abomination? I can’t feel welcome in a place that preaches about God’s unconditional love while also implying you’re only truly welcome in Heaven when you conform to a “natural” sexual orientation prescribed by men who lived thousands of years ago.
I wish more Christians understood that some people don’t choose to be with the same sex just to spite the church or deliberately disobey God. Whether straight, lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender, we don’t choose who we fall in love with. Sure, we can at least choose who to be with, but for some of us, that means living an inauthentic and suppressed life.
To this day, I’m still struggling to reconcile my faith and bisexuality. Constantly hoping I can be both.
Matthew 7:17 said, “every good tree bears good fruit.” Whenever a conservative says I’m going to hell, I find reassurance in the “good fruit” that surrounds me and my girlfriend: the love and support of our friends and family, the warm embraces I’ve shared with my girlfriend through tears and grief, her lingering, heartfelt laugh whenever I make a dumb joke. And then I realize, maybe God still loves me as I am.
However, choosing this life means giving up on a future I hoped to have. A beautiful wedding to share with all my loved ones, conservative Christians included. Pastors and elders I could turn to for marriage advice. A church community where I could raise my kids. But I suppose you can’t have everything.
Can I be bisexual and Christian at the same time? Traditionally speaking, probably not.
Can I be bisexual and endure in my faith in God? I hope so.
But maybe I have to look elsewhere.
