Post Something. Panic. Repeat.
For those who overthink every single Instagram post
I snap a photo of a witty cafe sign (a pun) that made me laugh. I immediately feel the urge to share it on Instagram stories. I feel the anxiety bubble up.
Will someone react to my post? Will people laugh? Will I appear lame and corny?
Regardless, I click ‘Share’ and close my app — throwing my hands up like the Masterchef contestants do when the buzzer rings.
I go on this mental loop of soothing myself and telling myself I shouldn’t care what people think.
But I do care.
It got me wondering, how do I rewire my brain to stop needing people’s approval before storing a memory in my ‘belief system’ of myself?
I think fear is getting in the way. I want and ache to be seen.
I want what I say — even the dumb and random things— to be heard and validated. But don’t we all? We’re wired to want to be liked.
For our ancestors, social acceptance meant staying in the tribe — or else you get banished. Good luck with fighting that lion on your own. Approval was crucial to survival.
And yet. Anchoring my self-worth on fickle, external validation hasn’t worked out for me either.
How do I unlink my ability to love myself from the need for praise? How do I not feel sh*tty about not getting a reaction on something I post online?
For a change, I picture names and faces of friends who would laugh with me in person if I showed them that funny photo. People who would get it. Not an abstract audience. Not a faceless jury.
By zoning into a safe space, I calm my anxiety.
“You can’t please everyone” is a cliche by now. And I know it in principle.
But I still tend to push myself to get everyone’s approval. That if I’m funny, accomplished, or creative enough, everyone will like me.
It’s like trying to catch water with my bare hands. It ignores the fact that validation is as unpredictable and diverse as people themselves. Some people will get you, and some people won’t.
What if I finally made peace with that?
After all, our differences help us tune into people who do share our values and views of the world.
Maybe the goal isn’t to stop needing validation. Maybe a more realistic way is to redefine what validation is. Whose opinion actually matters?
It’s okay to be insecure.
There’s comfort in knowing that your people will love you regardless — and that we all are insecure in some way.
